Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
