a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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