so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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