I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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