I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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