sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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