Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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