cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.