So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.