I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch