We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
