My liver just broke up with me...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
