You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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