My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
