don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
