I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
