so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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