All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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