i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Help. Why am I so naked?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
