I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
