Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
