i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
