Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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