I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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