did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize