Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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