the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
