Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
