Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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