I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
