I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
