My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
