I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
