you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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