i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
