It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
