I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
