he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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