she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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