D3 body, D1 cock
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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