The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
