Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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