Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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