i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
