I hate all girls vehemently.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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