Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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