Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
