We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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