i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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