Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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