I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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