i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
im on a boat
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