I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
