It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
