she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
