I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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