Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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