He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
