there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
