I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
