who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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