When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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