I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
